Front-bottom

I heard a hilarious nickname for the vagina. Thought it was worth sharing.

"Front-Bottom."

A co-worker said that he is going to tell his 1 year old daughter that's what it's called until she's old enough to know better on her own.

Front Bottom made me think of all the different, catchy terms we ladies like to call our "down-there."

Here are my five favorite funny names for the "Flower." Though some are offensive, some are cute, they all mean the same thing.

1) Meat-Locker. Okay, this one is offensive, but definitely paints a picture. A dirty, fleshy, raw and cold picture.

2) Lady Business. Made popular (at least to me) by the ever funny ladies of Saturday Night Live in the sketch called "Woomba." This is where I fell in love with Tina Fey's comedic timing, "It's a robot that cleans my business. My lady business. And I like that." And isn't our Lady Business like that sometimes - all work and no play?

You can check out the skit here: www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/woomba/229062/

3) Hoo-ha. For the person who feels uncomfortable uttering any actual word, they just make the hoo and the ha sound.

4) Muff. Kind of reminds me of a cute little muppet character. But it's usually used to descibe lezbionic activity - muff bumping, muff diving... you get the picture.

5) Box. Simple. Unemotional. Very basic yet kind of philisophical. Some girls fill their box with all kinds of trash and cram it full of the darndest things - sometimes they don't even know what they've put in their box. Others put something in it and then lable it wrong , and more have put their box on the shelf and haven't gotten it out in awhile.

There are about 1,000 words for what our "treasure chests" can be called.

Front-Bottom is definitely a new one!

Top 10 Favorite songs of all time... Well at least for now.

Last Thursday (October 2nd, 2008) I hopped on a Southwest flight to Dallas, Texas from LAX airport. At exactly 980 miles from San Antonio, TX (a quick stop before heading to big-D) the song Glycerine from Bush was playing on my iPod. 

I usually make a new playlist for flights/travel but this trip I didn't have time so I was just listening to some oldies, but always goodies.

This is when I took out my pen and paper and decided to make a list of my top 10 favorite songs. They are in no particular order. I might have picked them from the mood I was in or the fact I was crammed up against the side of the window with two rather large men in the seats towards the aisles. Who knows --- but these were my choices at the time. Looking back, I'd say 80% are still relevant. But hey, it was only a 2 1/2 hour flight and it was hard to narrow down!

1) Glycerine - Bush. There's something about Gavin's voice mixed with the violins and sad, constant strumming of the electric guitar that gets me every time. And I usually put it on repeat and listen to it over and over again. 

2) Return to Sender - Elvis Presley. Anyone who knows me knows I'd have to have an Elvis song on here. This was tough though. I went through my whole collection and Return to Sender kept coming back to me (it was mostly between this and Suspicious Minds). Not only is the movie R2S comes from (Girls, Girls, Girls) one of my favorites, I just love that Elvis makes a song about mail sexy.

3) What About Love - Heart. I heart Heart and this song makes me want to belt it out and scream, "No, really! What ABOUT LOVE!!!"

4) I Love Saturday - Erasure. This song puts a smile on my face every time I hear it. I can play it on Wednesday afternoon and it immediately makes me feel relaxed, happy, and as if the rest of the week will breeze by.

5) Cryin' - Aerosmith. Cryin' and Crazy are pretty tied (actually I get them confused sometimes!) but when listening to them back to back, I prefer Cryin' - call me crazy :~)

6) Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper. Okay. This one is a little cliche, but I don't know any girl who doesn't love this song. It's rebellious but still respectful (Oh Daddy dear you know you're still #1) and catchy. And it makes me just want to have fun - and what's wrong with that?

7) Who Wants to Live Forever - Queen. Freddy Mercury is almost pleading to live forever in this song and sadly, he didn't even live past his prime. When I hear it so many emotions go through me. It's theatrical, big, dramatic, melancholy and hopeful. My heart gets pulled in so many, many directions when I listen to it. And isn't that what music is all about? 

8) New Soul - Yael Naim. Yael's voice is so perfect with the beat, lyrics and spirit of New Soul. And that what it gives me when it plays - a clearing of the mind and a fresh start... for the time being!

9) I'm Alive - Celine Dion. Don't laugh that I love Celine - but I really do! And this is just one of many that make me sing along with her at the top of my lungs. Whenever I hear it I always regret not seeing her in concert in Las Vegas. But I do have tickets to see her in Los Angeles in December (I'm not joking;). 

10) Love Me Dead - Ludo. This is a new addition to my iPod (just i-tunesed it last week) and I can't stop listening to it! It's had some radio play but seems to have fallen down on the charts a bit - which is good so it's not over-played for the masses. The duplicity of this song is amazing. The humor of all love/hate relationships is perfectly outlined. While listening, one second you feel seething with anger the next, sweet innocence.

Well, there you have it. I'm not a huge music enthusiast but I do like what I like - and that's all I have to say about that.

Tears in Memphis

The blond headed five-year-old girl stood in the Memphis airport waiting for a connecting flight to Orlando in pursuit of Mickey and Minnie. Her brown eyes widened as she saw through the glass of a gift shop the perfect postcard. Immediately she ran inside the shop, lifted her arms up to the turnstile, stood on her tippy-toes and stretched with all she had in her.

Her fingers pulled the postcard from its holder. She gazed at it, knowing this forty-five cent postcard of Elvis (in his not fat, but not skinny years) wearing a black jumpsuit and white silk scarf would be better than all the things she would bring home from Disneyworld.

Not knowing what the word shoplifting meant or if she did, she was too excited to hold back from running from the gift shop and towards her mother who had just noticed she wasn’t by her side, “there you are.”

Little Rachel’s eyes stared up at Mom as she said “I have to have this, oh please. Please!” Mom smiled, “of course” knowing that her daughter was as crazy for Elvis as the disciples were for Jesus.

They clasped hands and walked back to the shop to make a proper purchase. Mom had no idea where this obsession came from. It had one day inexplicably started and from that moment on Rachel Leigh-Ann would watch movie after movie and listen over and over to his recordings from a boom-box in her room. Mom even looked in the backseat once on a drive across town to see Little Rachel mimicking the famous lip curl.

The postcard was in a small plastic bag and the change in the cashier’s hand just as Matthew, the older brother by 2 ½ years, sauntered into the store and huffed at all the Elvis memorabilia. Little Rachel eagerly showed him the prize postcard.

“I don’t know why you’d want a picture of him. He’s dead,” Matthew said not so gingerly.

Those words struck Little Rachel to her core. Dead. She knew what it meant, not really having it explained to her before but innately it was in her to understand. Little Rachel’s HERO WAS DEAD???

Mom and Dad never thought to tell their daughter that Elvis had died in 1977, eight years prior to that moment in the Memphis airport. Matthew had no idea that this would be such a shock to his little sis. He was almost scared he’d be in trouble for it. Mom and Dad were too busy just hugging the little one and trying to ease her pain to punish him.

And if a country singer had been passing by catching a flight to Branson he would have seen the look on Little Rachel’s face and watched her as she wept uncontrollably. He then would have certainly written a beautiful ballad for her… “Tears in Memphis.”

What is Blog-able?

In an effort to coax my writing back from the abyss that is procrastination, I have decided to take up a blog.

This brings me to my very first, pop the champagne and put your party hats on entry...

My only question is: What is blog-able?

Do you really want to hear about the nasty hang-nail I have or that I'm on a quest to lose 10 pounds? That I hate people who don't hold a door open for you when it is visible you're struggling. When people don't wipe down cardio machines at the gym and they are sweating more than I have in the last month.

What is clever enough, what is pop-culture enough, what is relevant, funny, IMPORTANT enough?

Is RACHEL blog-able???

I guess we'll find out.