Stoop-id Things We Say To Ourselves...

I am going to die alone...
Yes, unless you die in a murder suicide or a plane crash. But really, we ALL die alone. You can't take anyone or anything with you when you go. And sometimes you lose someone in your life and it feels like you are dying. But you won't. And eventually you'll be with someone else. Then you will still die by yourself - just with love and family and support around you. But alone you will go. Just quit saying "I'm going to die alone" as a pity party for yourself. It's STOOP-ID!

I procrastinate because I'm scared of success...
Me, Rachel McClard, I have used this excuse one too many times. STOP it already! I need to tell myself "If you procrastinate, you don't want success badly enough!" And then get stuff done. "I'm scared of success" is a nicer way of saying "You're not where you want to be you stupid loser." This phrase needs to be banned from my vocabulary, it's so STOOP-ID!

They're just not ready to be in a relationship...
No, they're just not ready to be in a relationship with you. Or how about you helped them get over something so they could move on and be with someone that will make them happy. Either way, you have to realize that every experience in life builds who we are. People will come and go, but you always have to be happy with who YOU are and how YOU treat people. YOU cannot control anyone else. If they aren't ready to be with YOU, you should not be with them. It's STOOP-ID to think or live otherwise.

Just one more drink...
At a bar, club, at 2am when you're sitting on the sofa catching up on CHUCK episodes. "Just one more drink" implies that you have had at least 2-3 previous drinks. "Just" kind of comes out as "Juuuuusssttt." Which if you had only 1 previous drink, you wouldn't feel bad about having 1 more. Don't be STOOP-ID!

I can stay up until 4am and have a perfectly functioning day at work...
HAHAHA... I tell myself this two times a week and stay up until at least 3am two other times. I was sick as a dog about a month ago and still managed to stay up until 6am 2 nights while in Vegas for a business trip. Needless to say that's why I stayed sick for three weeks. And really, who can live on 20 hours of sleep in a 5 night period? I have a comfortable bed, I have comfortable sheets and pajamas - go to bed already! Quit being STOOP-ID!

I will work out 5 times this week...
I didn't work out 2 times last week, why do I think I can suddenly become the workout master? And, BTW, my roommate is a personal trainer. SHE doesn't workout 5 times a week. Do 2 or 3 times for starter's, then work my way up - otherwise, it's STOOP-ID!

I need a distraction...
Although true, nothing but time and working on myself will allow me to grow and open up again. A distraction is a momentary thing that takes your mind off what's happening, only to return to said thing once you've finished the task at hand.

I'm really gonna try to stop saying STOOP-ID Things to myself.

Positive thoughts and positive attitude from here on!

You know you're getting older when...

You have to schedule an dermatology appointment to check out your freaky moles...

You pass up an opportunity to hang out at a pool in Santa Monica because you need to clean and do laundry...

You are sore from working out... three days later...

You watch Good Morning America...

You switch from watching Good Morning America to watching CNN...

You read Time Magazine instead of that People that's been sitting on your coffee table for two weeks...

You get an upset stomach from going on a late-night burrito run...

You write to-do lists and actually get everything done...

You have a four-step skin care routine...

You put sunscreen on 5-6 times while hanging out at a pool party for two hours...

You order a sparkling water instead of that last beer you were thinking about...

You wake up before 10am on a Sunday...

You worry about cancer when you're going to the Dr. for a check-up...

You yell at someone talking on the phone in the car in front of you and think "I should really sign that No Phone Zone" pledge that Oprah is asking people to sign...

You're only three months into being 30 and you feel like you are so much wiser and braver and know yourself more than you did four months ago...

But all these things don't make me old. Even though I do these things, I have so much more that makes me young and will keep me young.

I make an appointment to get moles checked out to live longer.

I pass up opportunities to hang out at pools in Santa Monica because I want to have fun tonight as a LOST finale screening party I'm having at my apartment.

I work out three times a week. Even if I am sore.

I watch the news and read Time Magazine because I care and want to know what's going on in the world. Not just in Hollywood.

I go to late-night burrito runs because I can stay up until 3am, get up at 8am and still put in a full day of work at WB and work on writing and producing when I'm done.

I write to-do lists and get them done because I have a full plate of things on my mind and responsibilities to take care of. If I didn't write the list, nothing would get done.

I have a four-step skin care routine because I don't have wrinkles and people say I don't look like I'm 30. I want to keep it that way as long as possible!

I put sunscreen on 5-6 times while hanging out at a pool party because I don't want wrinkles, getting a burn is painful and stupid, and I don't want to make another appointment with a dermatologist because I'm scared to get cancer.

I order sparkling water instead of that last beer because I want to continue looking and feeling good. Plus that whole drinking and driving thing is not something I want to do.

I wake up before 10am on a Sunday because the to-do list has to get done. Plus walking the dog on a beautiful, sunny day makes me feel alive.

I worry about cancer because I know that it happens. It could happen to anyone and I don't want to go out too soon.

I yell at a person on the phone in their car in front of me because it's stupid. I've been stupid many times. That's one thing I don't want to be stupid about anymore.

I'm only three months into being 30 and I feel like I am so much wiser and braver and know myself more than I did four months ago.

Oh yeah, and I still do things like skydiving, flip-cup competitions, silly sketches I film with my friends, goof off, watch funny movies, laugh with my friends until I cry, play pretend, shoot b-b guns in the apartment, plan trips to go white-water rafting, enjoy all the small things, and enjoy all the big things.

Skydiving...

This past Sunday I was able to share one of the best experiences I have ever had with some really great friends and my mom.

SKYDIVING!!!

I really don't think I can express how much of a big MOMENT this was for me. It's something I have wanted to do for a really long time and I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I actually did it.

10,000 feet up in the air I jumped from a little plane that looked like it was motored by hamsters in a wheel. I did this with my best friend and partner in crime, Venus.

I wasn't nervous, just ready to do it. The door opened, I took three big breaths to prep myself, swung my feet over the side. The wind whipped through my hair and hit my face and I looked down to see the earth 10,000 feet away. My right leg dangled off the edge into nothing as my left leg moved myself out further onto the step. One and a half seconds later we tipped forward and started falling.

But falling was not the sensation. We were flipping and spinning and falling to the earth below but for 45 seconds I was flying. It didn't feel like falling at all - like I suddenly had the super ability to fly. I laughed and whoo-hooed my way closer to the ground below and after being able to fly for 45 seconds, the cord was pulled and the chute opened. That was the part that hurt. The pressure on my chest was immense for .10 seconds, then the words "That was awesome" came rushing through my windpipe and out of my mouth.

We were still careening to the ground, but now it felt like we were just floating there, not moving. My tandem dude, Brendan, said, "that was awesome, wasn't it! Good job on the arch!" And then he started spinning us, tugging on one side of the cords to twirl us around and around as we drifted towards a cloud. He said "have you ever been through a cloud?" I said "Ummm, just with a plane surrounding me."

He pointed down and said we could see our shadow - and sure enough, I saw the outline of the two of us and the parachute on the top of this gorgeous cloud with a rainbow circle shining around our dark shadow.

We went through the cloud and it was such an amazing thing to behold -- thick, cold, calming air enveloped us as we did spins again. We got through it and were getting closer to the ground. I asked where we were landing, he pointed and I saw the specks of two cars and my mother waving to me! What a sight to see. My sweet and wonderful mother standing on the solid ground, looking up at me and waving ecstatically to me as we did spins again and started to prep for landing.

Brendan said to just lift my legs straight out and he would take care of the rest.

We floated the rest of the two hundred and fifty feet and hit the ground lightly, as if we just jumped from a three foot wall. My feet touched the ground and I smiled the biggest smile I think I could possibly smile.

"When can I go again?!" I exuberantly yelled!

I ran over and hugged my mom and ran back to hug Brendan. Then saw Venus twirling towards the ground and yelled back up, "GO V!"

I'm still trying to put all the pieces together and figure out how I can remember every single second. Or how can I describe the feeling of being completely out of control, but completely peaceful and calm and excited and joyous and oh-so-ever-happy to someone who hasn't done it?

It's true, I will do it again -- but am so grateful that I could have done this with my friends and that my mom was there to see us all through it.

Breathtaking... wonderful... empowering...

All I can think of to explain it now...

Mermaids and Pirates, Oh My!

On my recent trip down to San Diego I encountered something truly stunning outside an inexpensive motel... Lovely mermaid and pirate statues.

It made me think how random this was and who the person was who:
a) Said, "ya, know. I've always wanted a mermaid and a pirate statue outside the motel. I think that combo would really spruce the place up."
b) What such a thing would cost.
c) The artist who created the statue - were they totally into it too? Or did they think the motel owner was a bit off their rocker?
d) How many drunk people jump over the fence to take pictures with it (as I did with my friends)?
e) Why aren't there more pirate or mermaid statues in the world? I think it would be a happier place! (I will also take giant penguin, donuts and anything with Bob's Big Boy in the title)

Bad poetry from an 8th grade Rachel - #4

Happy Mother's Day!

Here's a poem I wrote for my mom in 8th grade for a presentation in class. Our parents had to come and watch and I still have the projector slide! I love you, Mom!

The Woman I Want To Be
by Rachel McClard

The kind of woman I want to be is kind, sweet and sincere.

I want to be strong and bold and have a great mind.

I want to care about people and share the things I can do.

And all the things I am saying are who my Mother is today.

She is all the things I hope for and every bit more.

She is a woman plain and meek and I love her more today than I ever have before.

Although she has had a hard life, she has been a lady through it.

I want to be like her and I will have to work hard to do it.

The Train in Cali Stays Mainly on the Plain

Over the weekend I took the train down the coast to Oceanside, CA where I saw a friend in a play.

This train ride made me realize something about myself. I observe things. ALL THE TIME. I love watching people. I like to see their idiosyncrasies and quickly make a story up in my head about them and why they are who they are.

I realized this when the Metro train (missed the Amtrak route) passed by the fifth backyard party. We went for miles and miles and miles out of the city, through an industrial area, huge fields full of old train tracks and warehouses with bright graffiti peppering the rusted walls, and the LA river - murky, dirty, yet still full of animals, birds, life. Once we left the steel and clammer of the city, our route took us through suburbia - or at least a type of suburbia.

I can't imagine living right next to the train tracks - where dozens of speeding tubes whisk by every day, their choo-choo's blaring every minute or two.

But apparently a large part of Southern California lives fifty yards away from these said tracks.

And that's when I counted the fifth backyard party and I realized that I had made up a story quickly in my head for all of them. I don't remember the first four, but the last one stuck with me. I guess it's because I stopped to think about it more.

It was a birthday party - I'm assuming a boy's because the sign was blue and the barbeque was going. Made me think that a bunch of mother's were huddling around a newly brought home baby boy and the father's were huddling around a barbeque, burning burgers and drinking too many beers. I also thought - I wonder if every time a train goes by and wales the whistle - does the mom shake her head and wish that she had married the other boy she fooled around with in high school instead of the one she ended up with.

Basically, I started wondering how much of my day I spend coming up with these quick little thoughts - where I could be sending my brain waves to do a better good. Like actually writing these little stories out. Or working on another story that I've come up with. Or plucking my eyebrows. Or dusting my room. Or laundry. Or taking that online photoshop class. Or learning French or Italian.

I guess this is where I get my "creative energy." But... it made me think I need to use my creative energy to not just come up with thoughts in my head, but to actually get them out... ON PAPER and not the neurons in my little noggin'!